Monday, May 2, 2011

Patience Was a Virtue

There is no doubt in my mind that society has little patience for anything anymore. This has become more evident since my car broke down a few months ago. Since then I have been walking everywhere and it has given me perspective (granted, walking only takes me an hour to get to work/home). We complain more about waiting than politicians complain about taxes and the exorbitant prices their escorts make them pay.

Oh okay. Glad to see this sidewalk is up to code.

It’s easy to see why. Everything is instantaneous now thanks to the internet and other digital media. Want to watch a movie? Hop on to Netflix or check OnDemand to watch it now. No more going to Blockbuster and having some 16 year old prick make fun of you for renting that chick flick for your very real girlfriend. Want the new Black Eyed Peas album? Go to Itunes, Rhapsody, or the other 15 imitators to download it right now for either your secret guilty pleasure album or to show everybody you know you hate music. Pirates are cool so you could always go to a torrent site for whatever, at least until it is inevitably shut down by the man and they file a $20 million lawsuit for those 32 songs and 7 movies you downloaded.

I think our lack of waiting on the internet has us mentally making connections to waiting for anything. We want crap now, like a spoiled three year old crying for some ice cream while inside a Brakes Plus. You’re just going to have to wait for it. Besides, you don’t want car mechanics making your ice cream. That is not chocolate syrup on your Sunday.

If patience is a virtue than being the type of person who thinks “oh my god why does the old hag in front of me in line have to BUY ONE OF EVERY SCRATCH TICKET I AM GOING TO BE LATE TO MY TEE TIME!?” is an acceptable vice. They should probably take up a pot smoking vice to mellow out.

Well, if he endorses it...

The point is we don’t have to wait too long for much anymore but one thing that will never be instantaneous will be travel. There is no “digital travel” medium. And by “digital travel” I mean magic or cool science fiction stuff with robots involved somehow. The closest concept would be teleportation but that seems like a pipe dream. I don’t know why though. Breaking someone up into millions of atoms seems safe to me.

Putting the atoms back together can have undesirable results too

In my time walking to and from work, I have witnessed a car honking it’s horn at another car because it didn’t take off the instant a stop light turned green, a truck hop a curb to go around a traffic jam, and at least three drivers giving me dirty looks because I had the audacity to use a crosswalk, thus delaying their trip by 10 pathetic seconds. Yeah, those 10 seconds will really make a difference when they compensate for the delay by running 3 red lights.

Think about it. People waste more time on the toilet. Having to wait for a few minutes is not a big deal. Traffic jams are not worth getting upset about because there is nothing you can do about it and God obviously hates you for trying to make it to work on time. Or the traffic jam might be from the car accident ahead caused by somebody who was eating a sandwich while driving, coincidently, because they lacked the patience to eat it before getting in the car.

It’s not just travel either. Having to wait 2 extra minutes for your next beer at the bar is not worth getting upset about since it‘s your own damn fault for being a shitty tipper and undressing the bartender with your eyes. The very eyes typically described as, “a little date-rapey“. People hate waiting at the DMV? Well we could actually do something about that like raise taxes to pay for more people to work the service windows. Oh wait, taxes is the one thing people hate more than waiting. People hate taxes with the same fury as my colon after enchilada night.

I love you right now but in three hours, we shall duel.

So relax a little. Take your time and stop bitching so much. People just need a little perspective. You’ll be less angry. Besides, we all hate airports and that shit is the worst. Like seriously, what do they expect us to do otherwise? Drive there?

Disclaimer: This article is satirical and will you PLEASE STOP riding your brakes down the mountain! I have porn to catch up on at home.

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  1. As a fellow pedestrian I couldn't agree more

  2. wow very good post. what you say is completely truth.